Family

I don’t think I can stress how important my family is to me. Sometimes they annoy me, and sometimes I just feel the need to get away, but in the end, I would be so lost without them. They’ve always been there for me and were the sole constant in my life. Being an airforce brat, I was used to moving around and leaving my friends whenever Mom’s job called for it. It’s probably one of the reasons I am such a strong introvert and don’t make deep connections with people — I’m used to the idea that at some point either I or they will leave, so what’s the point in getting too attached? Granted, with facebook, texting, instant messaging, and emails it’s easier to keep in contact with people, but I’ve never really been very good at keeping in contact with most people. So my family have been the only real and long-lasting friends in my life.

We went to visit my grandma this weekend and it just kind of hit me how much I need my family. Recently, Gram was in the hospital with heart issues. She’s fine now, but still it was pretty scary. I can’t imagine anything happening to her. I’ve always jokingly said that she’ll live to be like 200 and still have the energy to keep up with the grandkids. I know this isn’t really going to happen, but there’s always been a part of me that kind of believes it. I can’t imagine life without my grandma.

And then I realized, next year I graduate college. Due to my state being stupid and not accepting the teaching licence given by my college from another state, I likely won’t be coming back home after I graduate. It just kind of hit me that this is likely the last summer I’ll be living at home. Part of me is so beyond ready for that, but the other part… well, it’s going to be weird. We’ve already covered the fact that I’m not the best at social interaction. Imagine the shock that hit me when I realized that after graduation I will get a job and move somewhere where my family won’t be and I likely won’t know anyone. It’s a terrifying thought. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to cope.

Can’t I just go back to being 7?

Sometimes…

Sometimes, my dad really annoys me. He rarely ever does the things he says he will and gets after my brother and I for not doing more around the house when he hardly does anything. Without giving away too much information, I feel the need to rant a little bit because right now I just want to smack him or something.

So today, I did a lot of work. Despite sleeping in until 12:30 (thank you bro for not waking me early after a late night), I still managed to be very productive. I cleaned the whole kitchen (including areas that haven’t been touched in years), ran errands, cooked supper, made healthy little snacks for the next few days, cleaned the kitchen again (usually the cook doesn’t have to take care of that in our house, but we’ll get to that later), got us all caught up on laundry, vacuumed, and straightened up the living room.

Now, normally I’d feel very proud of myself… and I do; however, that feeling is nearly eclipsed by my annoyance at my dad. All he has done today was go on a grocery run. That’s it. Now, I’m sure he probably did a little bit for work (he’s self-employed and works from home) but really all that entails is sitting on the couch and making a couple calls. This is actually normal for him so I shouldn’t be so annoyed, right? Well, normally I wouldn’t… well ok I would a little but not as annoyed as I am tonight. It just really frustrates me when I’m bustling around doing all this cleaning and everything while he sits on the couch and watches television. And then, despite the fact I spent a good hour getting dinner together, when Mom mentions in passing that the leftovers need putting away and the dishes washed, he just sat there and didn’t even react. And to make things worse, after I’ve cleaned up after dinner, he asks me to do even more things for him… things he could easily do if he just got off the couch for 10 minutes. It’s so annoying! And he complains about being overweight (a bit of an understatement)… maybe if you got up and did some of the housework, you might lose some weight!

Ugg… sorry about ranting like that but really… it’s just one of my big pet peeves.

Sleeping as the Sun Rises

Every now and then I’ll have these great nights where I can’t sleep for one reason or another. Almost without fail I begin to feel really tired and want to get some sleep when I hear the birds chirping and see the light of the sunrise. Now usually I’ll push through that feeling and go on with my day with few repercussions; I’m perfectly fine with not sleeping. However, tonight (this morning?) I’m considering curling up in my papasan chair and seeing if that will help me sleep. I’m considering this for a couple reasons: 1. I’ve been sick the past few days and I’m still not really feeling up to par (granted this is also likely why I can’t sleep: been getting too much when I was sick) 2. It’s freaking summer, people! I’m hoping to get a job over this break (actually 2 jobs would be really nice, raking in the money) but, since I don’t have one yet, I kind of just want to sleep in while I still can and 3. I’m just really really tired now.

Sadly, there’s another couple things that make it difficult: my younger brother will likely come barging in at 9am barking at me to get up and do something, my room really really needs to get cleaned up, my dad tends to lecture me if I sleep past 10 (despite the fact he’ll sleep until noon or so), and finally, sleeping is such a waste of time. I mean really, think of all the work I could get done. I could get a couple chapters of my book read (finally got the first Dragonriders of Pern book *w* ), I could put a huge dent in the cleaning that needs to be done, I could draw a picture, I could cook breakfast for everyone (ok not that one, don’t want Mom lecturing me on needing sleep, plus I have no clue when the boys would wake up).

Having said all that, I think I am going to curl up and at least rest because now I’m yawning like crazy and starting to feel a bit sick again. Maybe I’ll just grab a couple hours and get up when my brother bursts into my room (or just ignore him like usual 😉 ). If I still have trouble sleeping, that book is coming out and I’m just gonna read to my heart’s content because at least that will be letting my body rest. Nighty night all ❤

Human Interaction

Ok, I’ll be honest, I’m not the best at interacting with people. I’m extremely quiet around people I don’t know but when I do know people… well I never shut up. A lot of the time I feel like I’m too awkward and that everyone just wants me to stop. In high school, I was rarely ever invited to things and I suppose I’ve come to think the reason for that was that everyone just thought I was annoying and didn’t want me around. Now that I’m older, it doesn’t bother me quite as much but there are times I still feel horribly awkward and uncomfortable.

It really hits me when I’m home during breaks. I have some friends around here but since I’m gone for 8-9 months out of the year, I’m not exactly close to them. My brother is actually the one to invite me to come do things with him and his friends (a little strange since there was a time he wanted nothing to do with me) and that’s usually fun, although I still feel rather awkward because… well everyone is his age so I’m at least 2 years older than everyone in the group usually… it’s just odd. And when it comes to hanging around with people at church, most of my brother’s friends are guys. Now usually I prefer hanging with boys anyway because girls annoy me and boys generally talk more about things I like, but when eating lunch at the church pot-luck and you’re the only girl at the table… it’s just a little bit weird. In that case, I wasn’t even the oldest and eventually I did end up having a great time talking to them and it was nice; but that first little while where I felt completely awkward being the only girl was kind of terrifying.

Maybe someday I’ll learn the proper way to interact with people… or maybe I’ll just always feel like the odd-one-out. There’s nothing really wrong with that. I’m unique and fun in my own way. And really, maybe the problem is just that I interpret things wrong… maybe I don’t really annoy people as much as I think I do. I just need to stop worrying and let myself have fun… if people have a problem with me, they can just tell me otherwise, well it’s their own fault now isn’t it?

Too Much Junk

Packing up to head home from college and I’ve come to the realization (once again) that I have way too much crap. I need some serious intervention or spring cleaning or something. Just have to get rid of at least some of it. Honestly It’s kind of ridiculous, I’m not even all that certain I’m going to have enough room in my SUV to take it all back. Spent a good portion of the day getting everything together and yet I still feel like I’ve hardly made a dent. I know I have just seems that there’s still a lot still to pack. What’s even worse is that I have even more stuff waiting for me back home.

So here’s my ultimatum with myself. I’m going to have a garage sale or ebay sale or something to get rid of at least a good portion of my stuff. My clothes are going to go down to only one drawer per type and minimal hanging clothes. Maybe like 2 weeks worth of clothing would be a good idea? I’m not exactly sure just what my prerequisite is going to be because I like having clothes that I can easily adapt for steampunk but I will get rid of things… I will. Actual items are going to be gotten rid of as well. Anything that I don’t need for college or for a future apartment will go (with some exceptions like my thimble collection and some of my stuffed animals… sentimental things)… oh and I’ll be keeping my Steampunk props… went through some hard searching for those, not gonna just get rid of them, plus I’ll be using them so it’s all good, right?

If you couldn’t tell, I’m a bit of a hoarder… I don’t like to get rid of things; I can always find one reason or another to justify keeping something. It’s a problem, I admit. But I’m going to try and do my best to break out of this bad habit.

Anyone else have this sort of problem? Anyone conquered it (or on their way to conquering it) that can give some advice on kicking the hoarding habit — short of going on that tv show?

Just because it’s fun, doesn’t mean you should do it

We all know those activities, the ones that are so much fun to do but in the end only end up causing pain. For instance: yesterday my college student activity board (SAB) organized a Blowout event with a fun carnival type time, free (very yummy) food, and a movie (The Muppets FTW!!!!!). At the carnival, there was this inflated thing-a-ma-jig where you strap yourself into a harness attached to a bungee cord, run as hard and far as you can, and get brutally yanked back once you reach the limit. This thing was sooooo much fun, I totally loved it and went on it THREE times (in addition to going through the inflated obstacle course and racing on pedal cars). At the time of course I gave no thought to the fact that I was being pulled back so suddenly and brutally, it was so much fun I even went as far as I could, pulling until I could move no further, and then jumped to let it pull me back and felt like I was flying. So, imagine my utter surprise when I wake up this morning and I feel like my neck has to be the most bruised and battered part of my body ever. I found myself wondering “did I get in a car accident?” I can’t even attempt to rub out the soreness because right now, just touching or moving my neck at all makes me want to groan or scream.

Just goes to show that just because something looks fun doesn’t mean you should do it. Especially over and over and over again. Now I’m not saying don’t do fun things, heck, as annoying as the saying is, you only live once. So do fun things, have a great time and enjoy your life, but realize that you do only live one life so don’t go being stupid and landing yourself in serious pain or even worse in the hospital. Have fun, but be smart, don’t go overboard.

Now… can someone hand me a neck brace?

Oh Happy Day :D

So, this is a post I intended to put up yesterday but after the all-nighter thanks to procrastination (See War on Procrastination Nation post) I ended up falling asleep right after supper. But anyway, yesterday I checked my mail and what do I find, but the things I’ve been waiting a week to get – my corset!!!! If my previous posts haven’t convinced you I’m weird, this one here should, I mean what sort of girl gets excited about a piece of clothing that makes breathing difficult and has been described as a torture-device? Regardless, I’m so super excited about it!!!!!

Now, here’s the deal, I know I’m skinny (most of you people don’t because I haven’t put up a picture, but just take my word for it, I’m thin), so I’m not planning to do any waist reduction with this thing, I want it for the gorgeous look it has, the steampunk outfits it opens up, the chance to wear something strapless without it falling off (a real concern for me), and the benefits it has for posture (mine is atrocious, I slouch more than the Hunchback of Notre Dam).

So anyway, I put it on yesterday as soon as I got out of class… and thus commenced the frustration. I didn’t realize how hard lacing those things would be…. It seemed impossible to get it tight enough at the bust and hips without making breathing border-line impossible, and I was intending to NOT tight-lace the dang thing. I realize a good portion of the problem stemmed from my… well… slightly smaller than average girls. I’ll be completely honest, I was not blessed in that way. Okay, I did say completely honest… genetics screwed me over and I can pass for a boy if I wear baggy clothes (this actually happened several times with one of my previous haircuts…). So yes, the corset needs to be tighter up top in order for there not to be a huge gap between skin and fabric and this results in the waist almost feeling like Oh my gosh, I’m going to die, I can’t breathe!!!!!! Fortunately after an hour and a half of experimentation with different tightness levels and ways of tightening, I finally managed to get it comfortably tight where it needed to be. It was a little more reducing than I had originally planned but I could breathe (for the most part) and it felt pretty comfortable. Of course then I decided to go eat in the thing since I needed to wear it for about an hour before taking it of so it would have the chance to mold to my body shape and such. Eating is not a wise decision when wearing one for the first time. The corset is pressing against your stomach so after about 5-10 bites, you feel like you’re gonna pop a seam or something. Seriously, by the time I finished my 5 brussel sprouts, 10 carrots, and maybe 1 cup of pasta, I felt like I was seven months pregnant and I had to go back upstairs to my room to get out of that thing before it exploded. But at least I know now, not to wear the thing when I eat at least not until I get more used to it.

Overall, I’m still incredibly happy with my new corset and hopeful that next time it won’t be quite so frustrating or difficult to get into.

War against Procrastination Nation

Ok so really, this is something about me that desperately needs to stop. I procrastinate WAY too much. On like everything, doesn’t matter what it is, if it’s something that needs to be done, I procrastinate (in fact, I’m currently writing this post when I really should be working on homework). I procrastinate on doing homework which results in all-nighters and messed up sleep schedules and sometimes in failing (last quarter (yes my college does quarters instead of semesters, annoying) I failed 2 of my classes because I put the work off so long and in some cases didn’t even do it at all… I had my reasons at the time but looking back… I was just plain ol’ dumb). I procrastinated on calling the dentist (I hate making phone calls and ones to set up dentist or doctor’s appointments are even worse) and as a result my teeth are horrible I kid you not, they’re bad, pretty much all my front teeth have visible holes in them and they’re this kinda yellowish color (sorry if I just grossed you out, but that’s my point). I procrastinated on turning in my rented school books and it cost me about $100 because the bookstore made me pay the difference between renting and buying. To sum it up: procrastination has cost me a lot in about every sense of the word… and yet here I am putting off more stuff! I really gotta figure out ways to keep me from procrastinating, all I’m doing is hurting myself in the long run. Of course, telling myself that doesn’t help, I’ve been doing it for 3 years now and nothing really changes. Maybe if I go back to my old high-school way of doing things; setting daily goals and only doing the stuff that I want to do once those are done. If I write it out on a card like I had to back in hs, maybe I’ll actually follow through with it instead of falling through like I have been. Granted it’s a bit late to be thinking about this sort of thing now when I only have a week left of the session but maybe it’ll help if I get in the habit now, before my summer class and next year. I really can’t afford to fail another class or lose something else because of procrastination (like my scholarships, yikes!)

This. Means. War! I’m calling out the nation of Procrastination, a fight to the death, and I refuse to die. WHO’S WITH ME?! Let’s stand up against procrastination, get things done and no longer face the consequences of waiting too long.

What are some ways you fight procrastination? Do you imagine your mother’s voice scolding you (again) for putting things off too long? (admittedly, that one does sometimes help, but eventually I’ve learned to tune out even my mind-Mom) Do you set daily goals and make to-do-lists to make sure you get everything done? Leave a reply in the comments to share your own fight against Procrastination Nation.

Avengers

So, the new Avengers movie finally came out this past Friday. I wanted to go to the midnight viewing so badly, I’m a big Avengers fan (another weirdness factor is my love of comic books and action movies). Sadly, I’ve not been able to go as of yet. I’ve considered going on one of the days when I don’t have classes, but my mother has expressed a desire for me to wait until I get home for the summer because she also wants to see it. I may still go anyway because I’m pretty sure I will not have a problem with going a second time. The main factor I need to take into consideration is the fact that the movie theater near my college is freaking expensive. No matter what I will likely be one of those weirdos that dresses up for the movie and one thing I really want to do is one of these:

from geeksaresexy.net

I’m thinking probably the Black Widow one or maybe Hulk or Loki. I love doing fun stuff with eye makeup. I’m not big on doing regular makeup, hardly ever really wear it, but the eye stuff can be lots of fun. I wear makeup, not to attract boys or because I think I need it, but because it’s fun and can be an expression of art. Usually I’m perfectly fine with my natural face look but every now and then I like to glam it up (usually with something crazy and weird). Anyway, hope to be making a post on my reaction to the movie here pretty soon. TTYL

Sleepless nights lead to new things

Ever have one of those nights where, despite how tired you think you should feel and how much you have to do come morning, you just can’t get to sleep no matter how hard you try? That’s been happening to me the last few nights. I’ve had about 2 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours and I still feel perfectly fine even with a full day of classes and work. Anyway, I’ve had this idea for a while but never really got around to making it. I had a blog a while ago (Life of a Gamer’s Girlfriend, changed to Gaming from the Outside, and now it’s gone on hiatus). This one though, I just want to have to do with the average life of a self-proclaimed (and other’s proclaimed) weirdo. Random things will be posted, maybe even some pictures eventually (if i can find something better than my crappy camera phone or can find a way to post with said camera phone). Hopefully there will be some people that enjoy this, if not, well hey I’ll enjoy writing it at least.