Dark Knight Rises Review

Went to see Dark Knight Rises for the midnight premier. Oh. My. Word. It was AMAZING. So totally good, I completely loved it.
I’m not a huge Batman fan, all the hype and cartoon after stupid cartoon turned me off it. I liked the original cartoons fairly well growing up but then it all became boring for me. Then there’s also the fact that I’m just not a huge DC fan anyway. I went to the midnight premier for Dark Knight Rises because friends were going and I honestly really want to have a life sometimes. Plus, I figured it’d be really good. I’ve not seen the first two movies (although I do know I’ve seen part of the first one… I vaguely remember some of it… may have even seen the whole thing but it didn’t really stick with me). I was expecting to enjoy the movie but not to really get caught up in it as much as I did.

I do have a couple complaints tho: 1. It was really freaking hard to understand Bane through his mask… I think I missed like half of what he said. Batman’s altered voice was also difficult (and kind of annoying really… not a fan of the shouty thing) but for the most part was easier to catch all that he said. 2. The music was too loud and made it difficult to hear the dialog at times… this seems to be a reoccurring problem in movies…. 3. Why do all the midnight premiers have to be the night before I have work at 6:30am? So freaking tired but it’s basically not even worth trying to sleep.

However, the pros definitely out-weighed the cons and I give the movie two giant thumbs up, GO WATCH IT!!!!!

Walk On

Normally I can’t write poetry for crap. The words just don’t flow for me and it ends up just frustrating me. However, I actually managed to write one out that’s half-way decent. Of course, it would happen while I was depressed and it’s kind of sad and darkish I guess, but it’s my first ever decent poem so I guess I’ll share it. Well, here goes….

~Walk On~

 

I yearn for the time

back when I was yours

and you were mine

Before this stabbing pain.

 

I yearn for the days

when dreaming brought no tears

but put a happy smile on my face

Before these cold nights.

 

I dream and wish not to wake

to days empty and blank

when I wear a smile that’s fake

Yearning for you.

 

I bear it in silence, this pain

for I can’t stand to lose it

But I let my tears fall in the rain,

And you just walk on.

 

I long to go back

to feeling safe, loved, and warm

before my days faded to black

Before I felt so alone.

 

I feel crippled and weak

pleading from the depths of my heart

For you to give the love that I seek

But you just walk on.

Communication

Ok, so. In a previous post Human Interaction I talked about how I’m not the best at interacting with other humans. This has really started to become a big issue for me. I don’t communicate well with people, I get all tongue-tied or nervous or awkward. I will literally put off calling or talking to people for hours if not days because I get so nervous about speaking to people I’m not familiar with or that I don’t really know. When I do finally call, I have to sit for a couple minutes and take deep breaths to calm myself down enough to actually hit the send button.

This problem doesn’t just cover talking though. I tend to be a bit more comfortable online or texting but even then I still struggle. It’s really hard when I’m just getting to know someone or am not sure where I stand with them. I have real problems sending the first text. Once someone starts talking to me, it’s almost impossible to get me to stop but ask me to initiate and I tend to freeze up a bit, have no clue what to say…. Usually even if I’ve been talking to someone through text for a while, I’ll have a bit of trouble sending the first text message the next day unless something special happens. There are some exceptions, like close friends or coworkers, but casual communication is difficult for me if I have to be the one to start it.

I always have this worry that I’m annoying or awkward when I’m talking to people. It’s really hard for me. A lot of the time when I’m done with a conversation I’ll think back and worry that I just made a complete fool of myself or made it so the other person/people never want to talk to me again. This is especially true when I’m not sure where my relationship with that person stands. With people I’ve just met, it’s hard for me to tell if they want to be my friend or if they just tolerate me (this is also something I worry about even with people that are my friends, I wonder if they just put up with me to be nice and don’t really like me). Or with the two ex-boyfriends I have. One of them I wonder if he’s still trying to get back together with me or if he’s flirting or if I’m leading him on or something. The other is a real problem for me, since I still harbor feelings for him. Every conversation I have to double check everything I say so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to get him to take me back (although I do wish for it) or that I’m not annoying or pushing him away. It’s almost a constant concern for me. I’m terrified of annoying people or making them want to ignore me and not having any friends (or at least no real ones).

I realize I’m probably being ridiculous with all this and that I don’t have anything to worry about… but still my brain never stops throwing this idea at me and it gets to the point where I’m terrified to talk to people because I’m afraid I’ll annoy them. Maybe I should just be a hermit and never have to talk to people again… couldn’t do that, I’d get bored so easily. Guess it’s just another of my weird quirks…..

The MRS. Degree

Ok, so I’m an Elementary Education major in college. Something has always bugged me about that major though… a lot of people hear El Ed major and immediately say “Oh, so you’re here for an MRS. Degree”. It’s so frustrating! No, I am not majoring in education so I can get married; I’m majoring in education because I want to be a teacher!!! Honestly, there are cheaper ways to get married. So, that being said, anytime someone ever mentioned being a stay-at-home mom to me, I’ve balked. I don’t want to be one of the people that support the MRS. degree stereotype. I’ve loved the idea of being a mom that stays at the house and takes care of everything there, but I don’t want it to seem like these four years in college have been with the sole intent of getting married and having kids and not doing anything more with my degree.

Now bearing that in mind, I have started to have a different thinking lately. It all started when I was still dating my (now ex-) boyfriend. I started to think about how I wouldn’t mind becoming a stay-at-home mom if I were to marry him and we were blessed with children. This really became a plausible idea because he was hoping to have a job where he would be doing a lot of travelling to different locations and I considered the idea of going with him in which case I couldn’t hold down my own job but I could home-school my children and there would be a lot of “field-trips” where we could actually go and see all the different places we learned about. It sounded quite like the ideal kind of life.

Of course with the ending of that relationship came the ending of that dream. However, the seed of the idea stayed, I really began to consider staying at home, taking care of the house, cooking, possibly home-schooling kids. It really sounded like something I could get behind. Then, I started to get really into sewing. I’ve been having so much fun making things and I’ve begun to think about how cool it would be if I could open my own shop, whether online or actual store or both. At this current time I think it would have to be restricted to being an on-the-side type thing while I hold down an actual job (hopefully teaching, but with the current economy/job opportunities, who knows?). But, it would be nice, when I get married and have kids, for that to be my job (along with the stay-at-home-mom things). It’s definitely an idea I’ve been entertaining.

So really, I’m not sure what to think any more. Has my education degree become nothing more than an MRS. degree? Am I doomed to add to the stereotype? And if so, does it really matter? I mean, I’m not planning on not being a teacher at all. I think there would be at least a couple years of me being a teacher where I can influence children’s lives like I want to and where I can use all the ideas that are brewing in my head and notebooks for the classroom. And really, if I really think about it, worrying like this is all a moot point. I’m not even dating anyone right now so why am I thinking about being a stay-at-home-mom? For all I know, God wants me to always be single and always be a teacher and have my students be my kids (To be perfectly honest, I really hope that isn’t His plan, but if it is I can be content in that and it just means He has something really special planned for me). So I need to stop worrying about the future and just live in what I have been given today. That’s really hard for someone like me to do, I like planning and having control of things waaaay too much….