Human Interaction

Ok, I’ll be honest, I’m not the best at interacting with people. I’m extremely quiet around people I don’t know but when I do know people… well I never shut up. A lot of the time I feel like I’m too awkward and that everyone just wants me to stop. In high school, I was rarely ever invited to things and I suppose I’ve come to think the reason for that was that everyone just thought I was annoying and didn’t want me around. Now that I’m older, it doesn’t bother me quite as much but there are times I still feel horribly awkward and uncomfortable.

It really hits me when I’m home during breaks. I have some friends around here but since I’m gone for 8-9 months out of the year, I’m not exactly close to them. My brother is actually the one to invite me to come do things with him and his friends (a little strange since there was a time he wanted nothing to do with me) and that’s usually fun, although I still feel rather awkward because… well everyone is his age so I’m at least 2 years older than everyone in the group usually… it’s just odd. And when it comes to hanging around with people at church, most of my brother’s friends are guys. Now usually I prefer hanging with boys anyway because girls annoy me and boys generally talk more about things I like, but when eating lunch at the church pot-luck and you’re the only girl at the table… it’s just a little bit weird. In that case, I wasn’t even the oldest and eventually I did end up having a great time talking to them and it was nice; but that first little while where I felt completely awkward being the only girl was kind of terrifying.

Maybe someday I’ll learn the proper way to interact with people… or maybe I’ll just always feel like the odd-one-out. There’s nothing really wrong with that. I’m unique and fun in my own way. And really, maybe the problem is just that I interpret things wrong… maybe I don’t really annoy people as much as I think I do. I just need to stop worrying and let myself have fun… if people have a problem with me, they can just tell me otherwise, well it’s their own fault now isn’t it?