Walk On

Normally I can’t write poetry for crap. The words just don’t flow for me and it ends up just frustrating me. However, I actually managed to write one out that’s half-way decent. Of course, it would happen while I was depressed and it’s kind of sad and darkish I guess, but it’s my first ever decent poem so I guess I’ll share it. Well, here goes….

~Walk On~

 

I yearn for the time

back when I was yours

and you were mine

Before this stabbing pain.

 

I yearn for the days

when dreaming brought no tears

but put a happy smile on my face

Before these cold nights.

 

I dream and wish not to wake

to days empty and blank

when I wear a smile that’s fake

Yearning for you.

 

I bear it in silence, this pain

for I can’t stand to lose it

But I let my tears fall in the rain,

And you just walk on.

 

I long to go back

to feeling safe, loved, and warm

before my days faded to black

Before I felt so alone.

 

I feel crippled and weak

pleading from the depths of my heart

For you to give the love that I seek

But you just walk on.

Hue-riffic And Aura-ful

This is from a friend of mine’s blog. He does some pretty awesome pictures and edited photos all with his iPad. It’s totally worth checking out so give it a look!

iPhone Photo Log

Title: Hue-riffic And Aura-ful

Place: Niles, Michigan

Description: Well I was looking at my blog and it seems like it’s been far too long since I had an abstract photo, so here it is! This was a great picture I took while going on a walk with my wonderful girlfriend (bless her heart for being patient with me while I took pictures, haha! ❤ you girl!) I really love this edit because nothing is so washed out that it looks impossible… Looks like you're just looking at the world through some weird colored glasses 🙂 Hope you enjoy!

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Family

I don’t think I can stress how important my family is to me. Sometimes they annoy me, and sometimes I just feel the need to get away, but in the end, I would be so lost without them. They’ve always been there for me and were the sole constant in my life. Being an airforce brat, I was used to moving around and leaving my friends whenever Mom’s job called for it. It’s probably one of the reasons I am such a strong introvert and don’t make deep connections with people — I’m used to the idea that at some point either I or they will leave, so what’s the point in getting too attached? Granted, with facebook, texting, instant messaging, and emails it’s easier to keep in contact with people, but I’ve never really been very good at keeping in contact with most people. So my family have been the only real and long-lasting friends in my life.

We went to visit my grandma this weekend and it just kind of hit me how much I need my family. Recently, Gram was in the hospital with heart issues. She’s fine now, but still it was pretty scary. I can’t imagine anything happening to her. I’ve always jokingly said that she’ll live to be like 200 and still have the energy to keep up with the grandkids. I know this isn’t really going to happen, but there’s always been a part of me that kind of believes it. I can’t imagine life without my grandma.

And then I realized, next year I graduate college. Due to my state being stupid and not accepting the teaching licence given by my college from another state, I likely won’t be coming back home after I graduate. It just kind of hit me that this is likely the last summer I’ll be living at home. Part of me is so beyond ready for that, but the other part… well, it’s going to be weird. We’ve already covered the fact that I’m not the best at social interaction. Imagine the shock that hit me when I realized that after graduation I will get a job and move somewhere where my family won’t be and I likely won’t know anyone. It’s a terrifying thought. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to cope.

Can’t I just go back to being 7?

Sleeping as the Sun Rises

Every now and then I’ll have these great nights where I can’t sleep for one reason or another. Almost without fail I begin to feel really tired and want to get some sleep when I hear the birds chirping and see the light of the sunrise. Now usually I’ll push through that feeling and go on with my day with few repercussions; I’m perfectly fine with not sleeping. However, tonight (this morning?) I’m considering curling up in my papasan chair and seeing if that will help me sleep. I’m considering this for a couple reasons: 1. I’ve been sick the past few days and I’m still not really feeling up to par (granted this is also likely why I can’t sleep: been getting too much when I was sick) 2. It’s freaking summer, people! I’m hoping to get a job over this break (actually 2 jobs would be really nice, raking in the money) but, since I don’t have one yet, I kind of just want to sleep in while I still can and 3. I’m just really really tired now.

Sadly, there’s another couple things that make it difficult: my younger brother will likely come barging in at 9am barking at me to get up and do something, my room really really needs to get cleaned up, my dad tends to lecture me if I sleep past 10 (despite the fact he’ll sleep until noon or so), and finally, sleeping is such a waste of time. I mean really, think of all the work I could get done. I could get a couple chapters of my book read (finally got the first Dragonriders of Pern book *w* ), I could put a huge dent in the cleaning that needs to be done, I could draw a picture, I could cook breakfast for everyone (ok not that one, don’t want Mom lecturing me on needing sleep, plus I have no clue when the boys would wake up).

Having said all that, I think I am going to curl up and at least rest because now I’m yawning like crazy and starting to feel a bit sick again. Maybe I’ll just grab a couple hours and get up when my brother bursts into my room (or just ignore him like usual 😉 ). If I still have trouble sleeping, that book is coming out and I’m just gonna read to my heart’s content because at least that will be letting my body rest. Nighty night all ❤

Sleepless nights lead to new things

Ever have one of those nights where, despite how tired you think you should feel and how much you have to do come morning, you just can’t get to sleep no matter how hard you try? That’s been happening to me the last few nights. I’ve had about 2 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours and I still feel perfectly fine even with a full day of classes and work. Anyway, I’ve had this idea for a while but never really got around to making it. I had a blog a while ago (Life of a Gamer’s Girlfriend, changed to Gaming from the Outside, and now it’s gone on hiatus). This one though, I just want to have to do with the average life of a self-proclaimed (and other’s proclaimed) weirdo. Random things will be posted, maybe even some pictures eventually (if i can find something better than my crappy camera phone or can find a way to post with said camera phone). Hopefully there will be some people that enjoy this, if not, well hey I’ll enjoy writing it at least.