Haircuts and Appearance

So a couple days ago, I got my hair cut super short (think Emma Watson). I completely love it, it’s so easy to manage and it’s nice a cool and off my neck. This summer I’ve been working at my old school’s summer day care. When I walked in on Monday with my short hair, they kind of freaked out. They asked me if I meant to get it cut that short and insisted that, despite my makeup and earrings, I looked like a boy. Frankly, this doesn’t really bother me. I’ve been accused of being a boy before: I’ve been hit on by girls and gay guys that were shocked when they heard I was a girl. I’ve been called a lesbian and a dyke (even though I am 100% straight). I’ve sort of become immune to being mistaken for a boy. Heck, as I was getting the cut, there was one point where I looked in the mirror and thought I looked very similar to my younger brother before he graduated and started to grow out his hair.

Suffice it to say, I don’t really care what people think about my looks, I care much more about what I like and how comfortable I am. Honestly, if I really cared how I looked, my wardrobe would probably be a lot different. There would likely be no steampunk things, skirts would be worn more often (I have some I’m just not big on wearing them that much), there wouldn’t be so many articles from the boy’s section, and my hair would be long and driving me nuts.

That’s not to say that I don’t care about my looks at all. I do, I’m human, I want people to like me and compliment me. In fact, in just about everything outside of my dresser/closet, I’m very much a people pleaser… it’s not exactly a good thing. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I dress “strangely” in an act of independence from people or because I want their attention. Perhaps it’s a little of both.

In any case, there’s one thing I try to keep in mind: I dress for myself not for anyone else. Sure, sometimes I don’t mind a little attention (I tend to get a good deal when I go out in my steampunk outfits), but in the end, I wear the clothes for my own enjoyment and comfort. And yes, I try my best not to wear anything that isn’t comfortable: even my steampunk is comfortable emotionally if not physically (although most of my stuff isn’t uncomfortable). By emotionally, I mean that I feel confident… much more so than I do normally. That is one thing I love about steampunk, I generally feel like a completely different person, someone that is confident and doesn’t care at all what people think.

Anyway, it’s always important to remember that it doesn’t matter what other people think about your appearance (outside of general hygiene or if it’s for a job or something) as long as you feel comfortable with yourself. Don’t dress to impress other people (again, outside of job interviews or if you have a work uniform or something), dress in such a way that you feel confident and relaxed. What’s important is what you think about how you look, not what others think. So, if you want to cut your hair down to like 2 inches in length, go for it, don’t worry about what other people will say as long as you like it.

Introducing the Weirdo

So, what is it that makes me consider myself weird? Well first off, I’d rather consider myself weird than just average. But why don’t I just tell you about myself and you can decide for yourselves whether I’m weird or average, not that it much matters what you think. I’m an Elementary Education Major, avid steampunk, writer, artist, seamstress, and a Christian. Growing up I was always the quiet girl at the back of the room that no one ever payed attention to, and I didn’t mind that, I actually quite enjoyed it. Were there times I wished people would reach out, talk to me, invite me to outings/parties? Yes. But really, at the end of the day, I would end up being just as happy on my own reading a book. I like people, I care about people, but I’m just fine being on my own.

I struggle with depression, have for a long time, lots of it, and sometimes it feels like for no reason at all. I have this need to keep the people around me happy though so I do my best to not let it show and there’s times where I’m genuinely content, happy even, but it often feels like it doesn’t last.

I tend to be a bit childish, I like cartoons, kid’s movies, kid’s books, and playing around, and I’ll admit it, I’m a bit naive. There are times my younger brother seems to be the older one. On the other hand, I can be mature and grown up when I need to be, it’s just generally not my default setting.

I’m not a girly girl although I’ll occasionally wear a dress or skirt, I far prefer jeans or cargoes. When I do wear skirts it’s usually either Steampunk or some other slightly wild looking sort of outfit. I have a clothing style all my own, although sometimes I worry it’s a bit too young looking, but for the most part I don’t care.

You can judge for yourself whether you think I’m weird or not, but I stand by the idea that I am and I’m proud of that fact.